the one that got away
a year and a half ago, i was a completely different person then i am today. i never had a serious relationship with another girl, i got brutally lucky that i even had the chance. the relationship had lots of problems, but thats expected. i found somebody i could say anything to, someone who cared about me as much as i cared for her. I was cheated on, lied to, and blamed, and its these things that make the break-up that much worse. i buried my thoughts and problems with smoking weed, it became so natural for me to do so that i clearly lost sight of who i was and what made me the person i was. my ego took over, and for the better part of two months i broke up with this special girl for no fucking reasons. It was a complete reverse when the relationship started, i allowed her to walk all over me and i didn’t realize the implications of what i was doing. finally i broke up with her one last time in the middle of september, and realized i wanted her back days later, but at that point it was too late. looking back i would have travelled there within seconds of realizing what i did, but my ego kept telling me id be fine on my own. we stop talking a month after that, and thats when i began to crumble. you see her liking photos of guys, posting slutty photos now & theres absolutely nothing i can do about it. she was my first love, and it might sound stupid but i have no reason to be here anymore. this girl literally meant everything to me and its a damn shame i couldn’t have figured my shit out earlier. I’ve already inquired about a handgun, and when that comes thru ill be taking my life with it. every morning i wake up crying, every night i go to bed crying knowing she’s out getting smashed and doing whatever she feels like. I’ve given it time, its been a while and everyday has been the same, there have been no improvements. i feel so betrayed despite what i did because i was there for this girl no matter what, and its sad to say but ill kill myself knowing she might feel a little pain because of it. call me a coward, i just can’t live like this anymore, and i pray for the days that I have that gun in my hand.
"Don’t Ever Worry About Things That Don’t Worry About YOU" - Wiz Khalifa